Mother’s Day: a day of the year (in the US, the second Sunday in May) on which mothers are honored by their children
Before I start this post I want to clarify that I think that all mothers should be celebrated and I think Mother’s Day is beautiful day that we should celebrate. That being said sometimes it is not an easy day for everyone and that is who this post is written for.
To all of the Childless on Mother’s Day,
You will be watching all of the little ones give their mothers little gifts. Watch husbands praise their wives for working so hard at being a mother. You will see the joy on your mother’s face when you give her a card or flowers. It may bring you some joy to see the celebration of all of the great mothers. Although, at one point it is going to hit you like a ton of bricks. Maybe it was the mother who complained about her children. Perhaps it will be during church when the whole church service has been dedicated to, you guessed it, mothers. Maybe it will the hurtful questions about why you have not become a mother or wife. You are not celebrated today because despite all of your attempts to become a mother you have failed.
Mother’s Day can be hard. For some it is a day of outward smiles and inward screams. It can be hard for those who have been unable to conceive, miscarried, chosen not to have children, never met the right partner, gave their babies up for adoption, waited too long, or have lost a child. It can also be challenging for all those stepmothers who never bore children themselves, who may feel second to the biological mothers.
When someone finds out you do not have children many people wonder why. Is she to selfish? Is she to self-absorbed? Why is she not doing what God intended for her to do? Doesn’t she want a family? She is going to be lonely her whole life. Why is she waiting? When really, we listen to our friends overjoyed talk about their children and grieve in private, since we will never know or have never felt that joy. When will we get to take our children to their first day of school? Will we ever see our own child graduate? Get married? Strangers ask why you haven’t had them. Friends remind you that you are running out of time. Especially on Mother’s Day.
If you are reading this post you know this. You have likely been asked these same questions. You may have skipped out on church on mother’s day and sat home and cried while eating a whole tub of ice cream. Maybe you avoid the grocery store because it reminds you that you will not receive any Mother’s Day flowers. You might even avoid your friends with children. Here are a few things, for those of you struggling, that I want you to remember.
God has perfect timing and he does everything for a reason. My sweet husband reminded me of a scripture the other day that tells us that sometimes we do not receive the what we are promised in this life. As hard as that is to accept I know it is true. Don’t forget that you are a daughter of God. You are a princess. You were not meant to go through this life depressed about things that are out of your control. Grieve and let your heart be sad but heal.
You are not alone. Sometimes we can get caught up in the emotions of not having children and forget that others are going through the same thing. If you are struggling I challenge you to pray to God for a friend. Someone that you can confide in and vent to when things get hard. Who knows maybe she is sitting a few rows down from you in church.
Accept and celebrate the mother within you. You may not have a child that calls you mom but what other living things do you care for and nurture. Just because someone does not call you mom does not mean you are not a mother. All women have a motherly instinct. While it will never be the same as having an actual child you carry within you the ability to give life spiritually and emotionally. Mother is a verb, not just a noun. The definition of mother as a verb is
Mother: bring up with care and affection
You do not need to be a biological parent to be a mother. If you are unable to have children but you want them do not lose hope. Adoptive parents are just as much mothers and fathers as biological parents. In fact, I feel like it takes a certain kind of unconditional love to raise a child that is not biologically yours. I have major respect for adoptive parents. If you are wanting children but have not been able to conceive maybe there is a different path for you in this grand plan. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy and adoption is not for everyone. I am sure if you cannot have children there is going to be a grieving process. Although, do not forget you were sent to this earth for a divine purpose.
Take a break from Social Media. It is not necessary to put your heart through that. Instead read some uplifting talks about how to get through the day. Turn on some inspirational music. You are loved and even though you are not a mother yet you are still special.
Your day will come. Whether it be in this life or the next.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.